When you don’t know where life will lead you

Having a long-term illness sucks. Part of the annoyance is that my particular illness is still undiagnosed. I know it’s nothing serious, which is obviously good, but it is getting me down. Chronic pain is bad enough to deal with but when the medical profession are still guessing where the pain is coming from and thereby what can be done about it it makes that mysterious pain….annoying. I guess that’s the word of the hour – annoying. I know people have it worse so I don’t want to say it’s worse than anything but at the same time I have days when I can barely stand. I struggle back up the hill after doing the school run. I miss rehearsals for my singing group. I have days when I have no energy or I’m too doped up on painkillers to crochet! Yes, it’s definitely annoying.

I’m not looking for sympathy here, just venting. People see me in the playground and anyone who doesn’t actually know me may wonder why I’m in such a grump. Then others may see me and say “Well she looks ok today. Maybe she’s better?”

Magnolia trees make me smile when they blossom. I saw this on the way home from a kinesiology session

The truth is I have to keep on keeping on. Frank has been amazing, don’t get me wrong. He’s taken days working from home so I can rest when it’s been really bad. And all the stuff we’d normally handle as a team he’s done on his own and told me to sit down and shut up (in a loving manner, naturally). But it’s the fact that he now refers to those as my “bad days”. I don’t like having bad days, no one does. Yes, everybody has their bad days and they’re all different but I want my bad day to be that the dog pooed on the carpet, the baby hit her head and that the kids are running wild! Not that I’m in pain. 

(I’d like to point out I don’t actually want my dog to poo on the floor or my baby to hurt herself and although the kids running wild is an actual, occasional meteorological event it’s not a wish list!)

Some crochet daffodils for my mum on Mother’s Day

I’m trying different approaches whilst awaiting my delayed specialist appointment (I don’t blame you NHS. I blame all the red tape you have to cut through these days).

I’m trying yoga every single day. Adriene at Yoga with Adriene has these relatively new 5-10 minute practises which are great when I can’t find time or energy for more. There are still days when I don’t manage even that as it hurts but she tells us to be mindful, so I am. Yoga also helps me keep my frustrated emotions in check. I can tell when I haven’t done any by my mood. Adriene also has this great routine for menstrual cramps. That’s helped so much and involves a pillow mountain. Win win.

I’m also trying Kinesiology to help. A friend of mine runs her practise nearby so I visit her once a month and she goes to work on me, using my muscles to test which bodily organs are functioning properly and what is out of kilter. It’s great. I’m on a regular supplement intake to help with my realignment and I’ve cut out dairy, wheat and sugar after allergy testing showed positive to these. I’m willing to try a juice diet at the moment to see if it helps. You can juice a steak, right?

Some of my baking attempts

Seriously the hardest thing to cut out is sugar. It’s in everything!!! I’ve been baking a lot. Some hits and some very dry biscuity misses but I found a custard that helps. My husband even made me dairy, wheat and sugar free pancakes the other day which made me smile. My use of Pinterest has suddenly shot through the roof. On the plus side I now have a great alternative eating board!

No dairy, wheat or sugar but tons of taste

When I’m not too tired or zoned out to crochet and I can get to my sofa I’m getting to it, in fact I’m determined. Crafting helps, singing helps and doing all this food stuff helps. I’m doing it to help myself. No more trips under that dark cloud. There’s enough going on at the moment.

Wow! This venting stuff helps. Thanks if you’ve made it to the end of this post. You’ll be relieved to hear I’m done for now. 

Right, more stress relieving crochet to do but not at the same time as yoga. That would be bad, very, very bad. A woolly version of twister. I’ll leave you with that mental image.

See ya.