Since my last post I have been truly humbled by the lovely messages and comments I’ve received, not only from those going through such a thing as myself but those who want to support myself and others during depression. I want to say thank you. Thank you for the messages for love. Thank you for the messages of support. And thank you for understanding.
It’s difficult to know where to go from here. Such a reaction to a personal blog post has made me wonder what I want my blog to be about. I always thought a crochet blog should just be about crochet but it seems the blogging world isn’t as simple as I’d thought.
I read many crafting blogs that express an element of life too, in fact some of them are more about life than the crafting and those are the blogs I enjoy reading most. So what does it matter? It’s my blog and my outlet so I can write about what I like. And I think I will.
Since my last post my husband and I spoke very openly about what needs to change versus what feasibly can change, in order to help me. The trouble was I then became concerned about my husband. There we were talking about how I need a couple of hours a week off and he never gets anything like that (do you remember how a big portion of my depression manifests as guilt?). I felt so selfish asking for my grown-up two hours (as in away from the kids) that I’ve only taken advantage of it once since. Mind you I’ve had a reoccurrence of my bad abdominal pains this last week and Frank has been home taking care of me, so I felt I’d used my allotted time already!
I digress. So after much discussion it was decided that every week we’d each have a couple of hours off from everything. Now we knew when agreeing that it wouldn’t always be feasible and that even then the time might be whilst waiting at one of the kids clubs. It’s time when we can get it.
Last week my husband sent me off for the whole two hours. I went to a coffee shop and read. I read a whole magazine from cover to cover (a crafting magazine of course – Mollie Makes) without either falling asleep or getting interrupted! Then I caught up on some blog reading. I hadn’t realised how much reading I’d wanted to do until I started. It felt odd but lovely. I was genuinely involved in another world and so absorbed I had trouble coming out of that world. It was wonderful and I can’t thank my husband enough. He’s so supportive and understanding. There’s a danger in a lot of people’s lives that the main parent carer won’t have the understanding of the main parent worker. I’m lucky. I think I now owe Frank a full week of guitar playing when he wants!
Despite my abdominal pains returning and causing a few meltdowns I’m reassured we can find a solution to fix this thing, for both our sakes and the kids; little by little, week by week and one step at a time. Now back to my daughter’s ongoing hoodie which I will finish… if she stops growing!
Thanks you lovely lot,