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Rainy day thoughts


It’s a miserable rainy day here. After a couple of weeks of really nice weather it’s a bit of a shock to get out the big thick jumpers again. The Jessica jumper has reemerged which is a surprise as I didn’t expect to see it again for a few months. Cold drinks have gone away in favour of a nice hot beverage (mocha anyone?) and sun cream has been replaced by raincoats. I know it’s only temporary but it’s put me in a contemplative mood.

I’m trying to figure out what’s going on with me. Now so much recently has been on the physical symptoms that I’ve not paid much attention to my head. Thoughts have gone unanswered or written down to be acted on another time. So now I’m addressing those. Why do you come in to this, dear reader? Well because one of the things I’m contemplating is whether I want to continue this blog or not. I started this as a blog for crochet and life but recently I’ve not felt the motivation. I have two crochet projects I want to tell you about: a Batman cushion I made for Frank and the yoga mat bag that I’ve made a pattern for. But I can’t seem to find the steam for it.

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Out of context I’m aware that sounds a bit pathetic but I’m struggling with my fatigue levels lately (a common symptom of endometriosis) so all my energy goes in to the important things in life i.e. my kids. They are the ones I need to make sure are happy because happy kids equals happy parents! So, even when I feel rubbish I take Rose to playgroup or Finn to roller skating or Merida to horse riding. I keep going doing things around the house so Frank doesn’t have to pick up the slack after a hard day at work. He says he doesn’t mind and would rather come home to a mess and a wife not in pain. I see his point and somewhere in the middle we mostly strike the balance.

Basically I’m a bit lost at the moment and questioning my purpose in life. (Deep eh? Bet you didn’t expect that on a Sunday afternoon.) I guess it’s not unusual to question yourself when nearly 8 months ago you and your family uprooted and moved 500 miles, especially when the sun has disappeared. It’s was blue in the sky last week:

I see other people setting up successful home businesses with toddlers around their ankles and I wonder why I can’t manage it. Then I remember that “comparison is the enemy of joy” (thanks Teddy), take a deep breath and remind myself that I don’t know what goes on in their lives behind closed doors. It may be one of the hardest juggling acts they’ve ever had to maintain or they may have lots of help from family or nurseries etc.

But I digress. I want to tell you all everything but I’m not sure if anyone is listening or if anyone is interested. So what is the purpose of my blog? Initially it was to sell stuff, crochet stuff. But I always make stuff for my family for free as opposed to selling it! In France the self-employed laws are a little different so more difficult to simply set up and sell….plus you have to speak enough French to get through the process. Plus I don’t have enough French for a part time job and I have to be available to the kids for 3 lunchtimes a week so that leave about 3 hours a morning, in fact less once you’ve taking traveling into account. I don’t know which path to take.

Whilst writing this I’ve sort of realised that I need to let the next few months take their course and then Rose will be in maternelle (nursery school/ pre-school) each morning of the week and I’ll have some time on my hands. Maybe then things will just work themselves out. Until then I shall go round in circles like a windmill.

I’m off as my mug needs refilling.

Bye for now,

Josie Xxx