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Looking at the world around me

Hi all. I was tempted to start with post with an apology for not posting the last couple of weeks and then realised it was unnecessary. You are an understanding lot and won’t mind that. Especially when I tell you it’s been busy as we’ve had visitors but also I’ve been suffering with my endometriosis symptoms these last couple of weeks. It’s difficult having a toddler and permanent back pain plus fatigue. But it was worth struggling through to see my sister and her family.

I’m close to my sister so it was important that she and her family visit us here. We’ve gone from living 70 miles and one and a half hours away to 500 miles and a one and half hour flight. A slight difference. She also suffers from a long-term illness so at times we became “old women”. and sat on the sofa chatting with knitting needles in hand…well she knitted and I crocheted but that doesn’t read as well.

We had a lovely week with them. It was U.K. Easter holidays but not French Easter holidays yet so we took the kids out of school for a couple of days (which isn’t such an issue here) so they could spend time with their cousins. We visited the Space museum, Carcassonne and the zoo as well as just spending time together. I asked Merida what her favourite bit of the week was and she said Sunday. So you know what we did on Sunday? It rained so the kids stayed in and played board games and my sister and I went to the market. We had a roast for dinner and that was about it. Just being in their company was what Merida liked and it was very easy and happy. Because we know them so well there are not efforts to be made. My sister cooked more times than I did and (as I was feeling rough) I was grateful for it.

It’s hard when the family go back. This was only our second visit and we’re learning that it’s always hard to say goodbye. Even though we can stay in touch in so many ways nowadays it’s always hard to say goodbye face to face and have that one last hug. As soon as they’d gone the pain that I was vaguely keeping at bay hit me hard. The distraction had been welcome and talking through everything has been wonderful. I talk a lot with Frank but it’s always good to get an outside perspective.

Now I’m having an “old lady” day with my dog. Going to Lidl for a small shop nearly finished me off earlier and our labrador is starting to slow down and doesn’t need walking as much so she and I are having a rest…whilst Rose entertains us with her toddler ways. She’s been under the weather so it’s an easy couple of hours for us all. And it’s at times like this that you realise slowing down or resting is no bad thing. I’m one of those people who always feels guilty about something or other, normally silly stuff like I haven’t emptied the dishwasher! But I’m very slowly learning that sometimes you just need to rest and not feel guilty about it. I’m not very good at it still but I am learning.

I’m looking at the colours around me and thinking I don’t stop to properly look at them enough. Being a crocheter colour is important to me. We have a field behind our house and it’s full of rapeseed flowers. The bright yellow certainly helped lift any mood and remind us that spring is here…even if she’s taking her time this year.

We also have tulips in our front garden which my older two keep trying to pick for me as they know I love tulips. We’re trying to convince them to leave them in the ground as they’ll last longer. And the sea of daisies that is our front lawn are beautiful. I know they’re a weed but they’re pretty nonetheless and they make me happy which is important. I’m ill sometimes and that’s crap but can’t be helped. During those times I need to rest. Now I’ve put that in writing perhaps I’ll remember it more and not feel guilty in the future.

For now I’m going to sit in my garden, in my rocking chair and look at the rapeseed flowers and take in their beautiful scent, in between drawing flowers on the tiles in chalk for Rose.

See you soon peeps.

Love,

Josie.