Sometimes there are things that wind everybody up and there’s nothing you can do about it. The whole family is feeling it at the moment. The big move. That move to France. I said to my best friend the other day were not allowed to start crying now where only allowed to start crying in August. Did I keep that promise? No, no I didn’t. It’s one of the hardest promises I’ve ever had to keep. And it’s not even August yet!
I feel the tears well up every time I have to say goodbye to somebody else. Already things have ended for the children, various clubs that they do. Each time was a little harder than the one before. The kids are showing their love and strength of character in every single thank you card they write. And even as I write this now I can feel the lump in my throat. There are so many goodbyes. Goodbyes that you don’t even think about. The people that you take for granted and assume you’re going to see again. Every day people. Like the teachers at school. It pains me so much that we going to have to say goodbye. Such a fantastic school. We were so lucky that this was the first parenting experience we had of our kids in school and when you think about it’s the security of it every single day for five years. That’s not a small amount of time. So it’s no wonder we’re going to miss the comfort and security of knowing where kids will be going to school. Knowing that the kids are safe. Knowing that the teachers care about them. That the teachers know the funny little quirks that make them who they are.
The dog is comforting me now, seeing me in floods of tears. It’s really set me off this week, all those goodbyes. Messages to people in my children’s lives. They’re not even the people I spend that much time with. What am I gonna be like when I have to say goodbye to my friends and my family? All are married likes we lived in Bristol. That’s nearly 11 years. That’s a long time. Time to really build up friendship groups and that support network. Time to find the people that you really care about. Time to find who you really want in your lives and who you don’t mind leaving behind.
I’m spending my spare time crafting. That’s what you do right when your mind is anxious, when you don’t know which list to tackle, first you crochet. Well I do anyway. I’ve been making leaving presents. I’m not sure that it actually helped me calm myself down. Because of course I want to present to be perfect. The presents for the teachers to be perfect. The people who have looked after my children and inspire them and helped them grow.
I also took a bit of time to make myself something this morning. It almost went wrong as my sewing machine and I had an argument but I made 5 headscarves out of bits and bobs, 3 of them came from an old skirt!! Well, my new hairstyle requires them.
Farewell lovelies, until next time.